p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
