She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
