I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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