I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
