I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
