I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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