you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
