They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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