Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
