I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
