are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
