They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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