She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
