I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
