Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
