AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize