a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
