even my farts smell like vagina
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize