Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
