Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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