Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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