You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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