but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
