And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
