So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
