who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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