i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
