I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
