Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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