I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
