I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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