Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
