I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
