Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
