I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
