if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
