Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize