The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
