One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
