Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
why is half of my head shaved?
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