I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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