you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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