i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my shit smells like andre
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
