do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
