I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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