Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
