Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize