How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
