I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
