I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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