and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
