i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
