every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
