i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
