I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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