apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
