well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
