this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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