HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize