I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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