Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
