I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
