A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
