Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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