im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
