I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
