she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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