You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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