it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
