i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
