I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
