I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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